I have a regular who is always lonely. He seems to bide his free time drinking at night. I don’t blame him, I’d do the same thing. He has the same repetitive sayings. I don’t know…sometimes you just feel alone, you know? I try to comfort him, do my best to let him know that this is a normal feeling. Loneliness is the human condition, I think someone said that once. We talk about a lot of things, he and I. Only on a very vague level. Sometimes he lets me into some of his past, updates on big events that happen to him so we can revel in his achievements. My acquaintance-friendship with him makes me think of how important this role I play is in some people’s lives. Maybe I am not so important on a large scale. But I remember names, drinks, I try to provide a sense of homeliness. I want people to know that they can show up, I hold their secrets, I can provide a sense of friendship and accommodation. Sometimes I feel like a low-budget therapist, to be honest.
But back to my regular. I often wonder what it’s like to be him, traversing the path he has chosen. We all go down different roads in life and none of them are particularly bad, maybe some. I don’t think his life is bad, but he is often extremely sad. The kind of sad that’s expressed in gestures, shy wording that you have to listen through in order to get to the bottom of. He wants so badly to rid himself of the loneliness that grips him, yet he finds himself in situations where the solution is never a long-term release.
He frequently asks me if I remember what it was like to first fall in love. I tell him yes. He often says he wants to feel that feeling again. The warm, bubbly feeling when you first start talking to someone. Does the ability to find this sensation fade with age? I’d like to think that at any point in time you can feel this with someone new. I mean it’s been proven. People are constantly falling in and out of love. I watch as people come and go, relationships fade and fall apart. New people come in, re-ignite the flame the last relationship was missing.
I don’t think a person or a relationship is a solvent to loneliness. In this particular case, thinking too hard about fixing your sadness with the company of someone else is not the answer. Maybe short-term, but long term it’s a terrible idea. But I want so badly to help. I’d like to say, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna find someone who’s really great. Maybe this lady you’ve been talking to is the one that’s gonna work.” and when I do say this, it feels like a lie. Maybe relationships aren’t meant to last. Maybe all of us will one day end up at a bar, at 12 AM on a weekday, talking to the same bartender we always talk to, wondering what’s next.
Anyways, I can’t help much. I’m just here to listen.
Dear Miss Lonely Hearts 